Embarassingly long, embarassing in general

I wrote this about a year ago to antagonize my sister and thought better of posting it. But the re-awakened Twilight vigor surrounding the second movie trailer has been reminding me of everything I hate in the world. So here you are:

At first I hated Twilight mostly for the entertainment factor. A few deprecating comments about the series would turn a mundane conversation with one of my sisters into a pleasant shouting match. One well-placed snip about the Twilight jack-o-lantern on the front porch would rankle even my mother’s pleasant demeanor. Later, as I read about riots in Hot Topics (who knew anything could counterbalance the sludge of apathy and fishnet tights in a Hot Topic?) around the U.S. during the Twilight publicity tour, I started to hate Twilight because it made people slightly more obnoxious.

I won’t have people saying that I’m a literary snob (as my sisters already have) and that I rail against all trendy books because popular things are inherently stupid. You skeptics should know better. I gobble up the refuse of popular culture. I grew up on books with raised-print titles and bikini chicks riding dragons on the cover. As an intellectual I have already earned my sell-out stripes; whether I got them in getting lost in London last year after standing in line for HP and the DH, or that time that I admitted to actually liking Memoirs of a Geisha is debatable.

Regardless, I’ve earned my right to discuss Twilight.

But until recently I didn’t really feel much reason to. Recently, however, the issue became personal in a way that all of my sisters pre-buying tickets for opening night hadn’t made it personal. All because someone brought up Buffy.

Yesterday I stumbled upon an interview with the director of Twilight in which she was asked how she thought the protagonist of Twilight measured up against the iconic Buffy of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The director claimed to have never seen a second of the long-running cult classic and denied any comparison.

For some reason I felt myself becoming irrationally angry.

“Check out the names," I urged anyone who would listen. "Buffy is spelled B-vowel-double consonant-possible vowel. The Twilight chick, Bella, spells her name B-vowel-double consonant-vowel. That’s some seriously plagiaristic bullshit.”

How could someone directing a movie about vampires and teens not explore this staple of angsty vamp mythology? And screw professional thoroughness, what sort person hasn’t heard of Buffy? I didn’t have cable growing up, but I never missed an episode.

As I pondered this throughout the day (and boy can I obsess over things once I get started) I began to realize that there were some distinct similarities between the two works. Both feature a teenage girl as the heroine who happens to be in love with an immortal vampire. However, what is more important is the poignant differences in themes and representation of young-adulthood.

And thus I arrived at my theory (to follow), The Power of Normalcy: Why Buffy is Superior to Twilight in Turning Out Well-Adjusted Teens with Healthy Morals and Good Self Esteem or (the working title) Shut the Hell Up Everyone.

PART ONE: They Have An Episode on Buffy For People Like You

I guess I should start by wheeling out the well-used popular conception of Buffy as a metaphor. Excuse me if I sound a little bored, I’m just used to reciting this every time I trick my boyfriend into watching a few episodes. The basic premise, as paraphrased from Joss Whedon, is that high school is a terrifying place, where many kids feel confined and ostracized by their uniqueness. So he gives us Buffy, a girl who is irreversibly unique, and battles daily against monsters. She eventually falls in love with Angel, a vampire with a soul and drama ensues. The series begins when she arrives at a new high school after being expelled from her previous one, for reasons (and here’s something every teen can sink their teeth into) that weren’t her fault. She eventually falls in love with Angel, a vampire with a soul, violence and drama ensues.

When I attempted to find a metaphor in Twilight for the high school experience, I was appalled by the implications. In many ways the vampire teens of Twilight can be read as the stereotypical popular crowd at any high school. They are mysterious, good looking, well-dressed and their guardians are in the professional class. Bella, a girl indistinguishable from her peers, leads a mundane life until she is saved (literally and metaphorically) by Edward and embraced by his family. It is only after Edward becomes interested in Bella she becomes noted in society and her life is given a purpose. Unsurprisingly, Bella desires to remain with Edward and to eventually become a vampire herself, thereby assimilating into a superior group. Her destiny, and later her identity (in a human vs vampire sense) is dependent on her boyfriend and his pals.

Throughout the series, Buffy maintains an endearing (and prototypically adolescent desire) to be normal. Although she questions her physical superiority because the responsibility it creates separates her from her peers, she recognizes it as integral for her calling. Although Buffy’s individuality in undeniable, the show emphasizes the importance of close relationships with “average” people as a more important factor in her successes. The third season features Faith, a rogue slayer who provides a reflection of what Buffy would have been like without the influence of her friends. Faith believes that her superior position as a slayer places her above rebuke and she seeks companions who she feels are similarly powerful, disdaining the value Buffy places on maintaining normal friendships. At the close of the season when Buffy throws the deceitful Faith off of a building, it provides a message exactly opposite from that of Twilight. Buffy’s power is inherent, but her abilities are increased through her everyday relationships. On the other hand, Bella remains powerless, but at least she has the really popular kids to protect her.

If you are comparing Buffy and Twilight there is no getting around discussing the merits of Angel versus Edward. Not only is there an unavoidable similarity between the two as undead pieces of eye-candy, forever brooding in shadows and scamming on minors, but both have devoted followings. While not denying the complexity and narrative length of these relationships, I would like to bring up a single point. I think that it is important when talking about Buffy/Angel and Edward/Bella to remember who in each pair is responsible for taking the “humanity” of their main-squeeze. Buffy’s sexual assertiveness is the cause of Angel’s loss, but the sacrifice is mutual since she unwittingly loses her companion in the same act. Bella’s humanity is also lost to her as a result of sexual actions; she becomes pregnant with Edward’s child and it is destroying her weaker, human body. Edward, always the deciding factor in Bella’s life, turns her into a vampire not in response to her numerous requests, but because of her innate inferiority. In short, Bella is finally on equal ground with her boyfriend and will never get old and ugly. What a message for the kiddies.

As a matter of trivia, I would like to point out that there is an episode in the first season of Buffy that deals with teenagers who want to become vampires so that they can remain young and beautiful. The real vampires kills these teenagers and plenty of laughs are had at their expense. So as a blanket statement to Twilight kiddies, mom's and the like: stop blathering on about this crap. There was already an episode of Buffy that encompassed the entire 8-billion page plot of Twilight, and that was cerca 2000.