Monday, July 6, 2009

Not a stained-glass cinderblock

People often tell me that when they see me driving about town I have a very intense (some venture to say, however abstractly, "uncool") look about me...or at least it seems that way as they zoom past me at a more "reasonable" speed. I usually take these observations in stride, because it allows me opportunity to gloat about how unfailingly prompt I am.

I would categorize being punctual as one of my more positive personal features. Of course it can be a little awkward to be on time, especially since I have a romantic affiliation with an equal punctual person and thus we are always the people browsing the dollar-store next to a restaurant when we arrive 15 minutes before they start serving lunch, but mostly I find it very satisfying. At several teenage-era employments punctuality was lauded as my most redeeming quality (not surprisingly, since I spent most of my time at various office jobs building catapults out of rubber bands and binder clips). And to this day I try to be on time to work, mainly because there seems something moral about it. Obviously this is a secular morality, since I claim possession of the same spirituality inherent in a cinderblock, provided that the block is of a shape and quality in no way suggestive of the facial features of certain saviors and/or key biblical babes.

A mere glimpse of my secular moral code is included below:

1. Be on time to work.
2. Don't comment when you think someone is wearing a new shirt. People in new shirts are nervous enough without you bringing it up.
3. Do not, even under the most tempting of situations, read another person's e-mail or text messages.
4. Don't yell at people in service positions, even when they deserve nothing more than to be strangled by their lanyard and left in a shopping cart to die.
5. Never drink enough that you are unable to wait until you get home to puke.
6. Give people rides in your car and never ask for gas money.



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