I know that I have been writing a lot about work lately but, regrettably, I haven’t been doing much else and I have no intention of straining my brain over possible topics. I have considered just joining some Twitter-list of handy daily free-write topics and just stealing the hell out of those, but I have something of a soul left in me. And to prove it I will delight you get again with a tail from my working days that I found v. amusing. (Other things I find amusing: using “v.” as a replacement for “very.”)
So a few nights ago I was working the evening shift at work and it was fairly dead. Because of this relative deadness, I was able to pay close and special attention to a couple that came in and caught my (admittedly roving) eye. The couple consisted of an older woman in her 50s, dressed snappily in a pants suit and a weird just-for-show kind of scarf, with her glasses dangling from a fake-gold chain around her neck, and Some Guy. This incredibly regular guy was in his late-20s or eary-30s, wore cargo shorts and a striped polo and had a slight comb-over and some douchey hemp bracelet.
I should note that this couple caught my eye for two reasons. The first is that I have began making a study of the way middle-aged ladies dress because my job requires me to cater to them in a clothing sense, and because I see a wide range of classiness. I’m a plain jane sort, but I have noticed that plain jane middle-aged ladies have a real haggard look about them – it’s a strange combo of no make up, yoga-pants-and-fleece-pullovers, and low ponytails. I worry that when I’m wandering an outlet mall in my 40s, sipping water from a Starbucks cup, I’m going to look just as weary. So I stare at them.
The second reason that I took to this couple was that their relationship was so ambiguous. The man seemed too old to be shopping with his mom (lie!) and too young to be romantically involved with her, but they were obviously very comfortable together. She was holding clothes up to his neck, which is familiar and gross in the extreme.
Anyway, the couple picked out a few things and eventually made their way to the register. I went to ring them up and the lady started chatting.
“It is his birthday,” she said, indicating the man beside her. “And if I don’t take him shopping then he won’t buy any new clothes.”
I knew from the way the man blanched, which was not in the oh-wife-you-are-so-chatty-with-sales-girls way but in acute embarrassment, that this must be his mom. Only a mom can bring so much distress to an individual with such a short statement. I took her credit card and nodded blandly to disguise my delight.
The receipts rolled out of the machine and the man refused to meet my eye as I gave the coupon spiel. His mom stopped for a moment and discussed them. Where, she wondered, could she pick up something nice for herself? I pointed out a likely store on a map.
“I’ve been shopping for this one all day,” she said pointing at her son and throwing an exaggerated wink over her shoulder. She made her way towards the door and the man followed slowly behind with the bags.
“You have a good birthday,” I called and watched him hunch further. This guy obviously wanted to sink straight into the multi-colored tile of the outlet mall courtyard. What an undignified way to go.
The whole thing made my g.d. day.
No comments:
Post a Comment