Pretty g.d. gross

I’m sick but I don’t have the swine flu, because I’m not trendy enough to catch such a popular disease. I’ve got a cold.

I am probably the worst person ever at having a cold. I don’t like dripping things, I have a Victorian fear of making people aware of my bodily dysfunctions (i.e., sniffing, coughing), and I love whining. So my colds, while marvelously unpleasant for me, are also extremely unpleasant for others.

I pride myself on being a rather healthy person. Excepting a brief chunk of my college career when I barely ate, showered, or slept, I have an impressive track record of rebuffing illness. But I do occasionally get a cold and even though I generally recover swiftly I find the whole experience unpleasant and embarrassing.

You see, when I get a cold my eyes water constantly. This neat effect, combined with my sniffling, makes it seem as though I have just finished crying and creates opportunities for complete strangers to try to console me. I do not enjoy being consoled on a good day, but when I have got a weird twinge in my sinus cavity that is making my eye water – random consolers had better watch out. This is not the time for a back-pat and a sympathetic smile.

I think that the worst thing about a cold is that it is temperamental. You can be distracted from your cold by a pile of drugs and good conversation to the point if you wonder if you’ve just invented your cold to give yourself an interesting personality quirk.

But if you are at work or in a situation where you have to hang your head down (and I’ve never had a job that didn’t require or make me want to hang my head) there is nothing more uncomfortable. The dripping nose, dripping eyes and the way that the silence enhances each disgusting sniff is like a nightmare about taking a final. And also pretty g.d. gross.