The holidays make me cranky

I am starting off this particular post with a fair forewarning: I plan to be awfully negative so people sensitive to that sort of shenanigans would do well to shield their eyes. Actually they would do well to click along elsewhere; the internet is boundless. Go ahead and click that alluring “Next Blog” button at the top of the screen. We don’t need any positive people here, anyway.

I am full of writing rage today (not unrelated but not identical to my frequent bouts of retail rage) and I plan to make full use of it here. I am having a hard time getting anything done despite vast improvements in my internet dependency. (I lightly compressed the small internet button on my keyboard and disabled the whole scenario.) Also, what is with my apparent overwhelming love for parenthesis today? I could expand this to talk about how I am thinking in small asides instead of in strong narrative threads and therefore being unproductive, but since that would probably require several snide asides (detailing my extensive love of metaphor, undoubtedly) it seems absolutely counterproductive.

Without further (or parenthetical) ado, here is a list of things besides writing that are pissing me off this morning:

• People/media outlets making their list of “Best of _____” for 2009. I know this is the easy and obvious piece to write but I’m quite tired of reading lists of albums, movies, books, and celeb scandals. Let’s try, for the sake of reflection and variety, to limit these lists to every other year, or every other obvious category. *
• People in my neighborhood who have those huge inflatable Christmas things. What’s wrong with lights? Lights are classy. Snowmen on sailboats with Santa hats are just damn ridiculous. And ugly. And probably a phenomenal waste of electricity. (See I told you: I am pissed off AND I love parenthesis today.)
• Finally, I hate how people are so perplexed by the fact that a person might want a decaf coffee beverage. Some of us can’t handle the caffeine, you know. If we had caffeine we’d be twice as rowdy as I am being on this blog.

* I offer full amnesty to the Whitney-and-Kevin Best Person of 2009 contest. The current favorite to take the title is Lisa from Fun Cuts, the crazy masseuse who once charged me half price because I was short and can only identify me as part of “that cute couple.” The winner for 2008 was either PJ from the T-Mobile Store or the hostess at Applebee’s whose perfect first date ends with a platonic game of Twister…I can’t recall.